Somewhere between Pink and Cow): Body Issues Part Two

You know after that last post, particularly after the imeadiete audience responce, of course from other women I thought I shoudl go into a little more detail about the whole body thing.
I thought I should be a little more detailed and a little less glib.

Sigh

Ok so here goes sincerity.

So I actually started trying to work out about a month ago. I started doing little excersizes in the bathroom. 25 core contractions standing up. Standing on my tip toes while brushing my teeth. Flexing my neck and chin muscles to try and get rid of the wattles. Even that corny "we must, we must, we must increase our bust" chest thrusting arm movement thing I learned in like fourth grade, ironically from my lesbian gym teacher.

it seemed to be working a little. And then life took over and it gradually started tapering off.

And then I tried the work out video track a coupla times. Which really was hillarious, because it was this super outdated corny ass Crunch Fitness video from 2004 that either my girl Farrah or my (strangely very very large) ex neighbor left behind when she moved out.
It's called Dance Party Workout.

wow.

it was kinda fun. Ryan and me would put on workout clothes.Well, I don't really have any,some ill fitting pumas from the early 2000s, Target yoga pants, and an INDUSTRIAL STRENGHT hot pink and tangerine sports bra, kinda sexy actually, purchased for me by my husband in my absence, also from Tar-shay boutique.

and we would do it. well kinda (crossover wha? how do you do the grapevine again?? EFF!)till the baby woke up and started howling, at which point Ryan would put her in the sling and we would finish. And I would feel better afterwards after I got the hang of it. We did it like 4 times. I even did this ridiculous pilates video a coupla times. God some of those moves just look asinine. That one where you pump your arms up and down again with your body in a v? Re-effin-diculous.

yeah it never really looks like that...does it? yeah right.

anyway I felt strong after. And stood up straighter. And held my belly in more. Which I still am endeavoring to do somewhat. Little things. Trying to sit with engaged muscles when sitting, sewing, whatever. Trying to sit up straight on the toilet of all things. Trying to bend over from the waste. And my stomach muscles are getting stonger...The belly gets smaller and starts lower but still refuses to budge.

But the truth is I have always had it. Since puberty anyway. I lost it once in college, I did the master cleanse for like three days, and then was to poor to eat much else but quiona and tomatoes and kale from the free communtity vegetable patch for awhile, and WOw I got down to like 130 pounds or so, maybe less. Oh and then there was a breif period of dating Yoga Boy and my equally brief affair with Bikram Yoga. That felt good too. When I wasn't injuring myself. This one killed it for me. Yeah that looks comfortable. OUch.

Aren't you only supposed to get tennis elbow playing tennis?

anyway. I also lost a little weight when I started dancing Flamenco before I got pregnant. I was actually going like twice or three times a week at one point. Also with yoga. But which would you rather do that? or this...

Flamenco School - Teaser Trailer from Brent Morris on Vimeo.

I really do think I would like to start flamenco again. Flamenco is more of a lifestyle...a passion, and its damn sexy. And cheaper than therapy. The stomping as my friend Shannon calls them "stabby" days really comes in handy to channel the old aggression. Wich, with the sleep deprivation and dehydration inherent in breast feeding a and raising a small child would be useful.

and then there is the issue of dieting. Which I am generally against. I resent the idea of it on principle. Moreover I used to resent it on FEMINST principles. Why should women starve themselves? For the approval of men? As one would say in the parlance of the times when I was a militant shaved headed feminst, read the mid 90's, "as IF!" I used to keep my pit and leg hair long as quality control AGAINST that kind of bullshit. Any man who couldn't take me as I came out of the box couldn't take me at all. (And while my husband clearly takes me as I am (bless him, I know I AM a handfall, and more often than not a HAIRY handful...Now, my hairyness is less political and more laziness and yes,time and energy related, as in LACK of...see sleep deprivation above)
it's a jungle down there

(no these legs aren't mine. and the hair isn't real either. supposedly they are hairy TIGHTS you can use to ward of sexual assault when alone in public at night. Just carry them in your purse, slip off your flats, and VOILA! instant repulsion...or is it a prank? anyway talk about quality control...

At any rate I still think women should rock any hair length or location or weight they choose, and if men can't handle it, fuck them, well actually, DON't.

and I will continue to work on my body, and try and accept it for what it is: compact, curvy, busty, bubble butted, sassy. and not for what it's not: (ready skinny.)
and I will even try to shave my legs every once in awhile. And not just for date night. But for a mini skirt. Meow!

ps. So I weigh about 165 pounds right now. On the top end of my all time heaviest weights. Which doesn't matter so much as for reference.

pps. Don't read about that Keto Diet folks. It will fuck you up. I ate a pat of butter today, man. Straight. No chaser. No BREAD. and I was all "yeah man, it's gonna make me loose WEIGHT, burning FAT baby...yeah...uh huh...right. maybe if I was also running triatholons and eating zero carbs. or at least still doing that Crunch workout video...but a girl can dream...

Reflections from A Rare Moment of Quietude:Body Issues and other musings, three Months in

The husband is out and the baby is sleeping. The rain is falling softly outside and Cat power is serenading me from the Pandora station.

Piper turns three months old tomorrow. How did this happen. It's hard to believe that she was ever this small.

especially because the little chunker looks like this now

and also hard to believe I ever looked like this

yeah being preggo was fun. I ate whatever I wanted. Then again I pretty much always eat whatever I want (tonight I ate lasagna AND fettuccine alfredo)
so speaking of being a chunker...
actually I recently found some before and after pics that are pretty interesting...
during
before

after

so not quite where I was but not that far either.

And sometimes it seems further away than others. Ryan keeps telling me it takes 9 months to break it, so it will take maybe 9 months to remake it. Now if meals like tonights stay a rarity it will take me less time than that.( I actually bet my dad a meal in which the looser has to cook for the other and their friends, including waiting on them, that we would both go without all refined wheat products for a month, penalty for cheating being no coffee and for me no sugar for two days...oopps. looks like no chocolate for me tomorrow...)

Technically I'd like to be in better shape than I was before. Because I am 33 now, and it's not like it's going to get easier. I am not saying I need abs of steel, but I gotta say I wouldn't mind lookin like Pink...

but that's ok. even if my undies are now size large, my dress size now 12 (two sizes up from my size medium dress size 10)I have mostly contented myself with buying accessories, which always fit...like my new Betsey Johnson sunnies...

and then there is Piper, which is the best accessory I have...
oh yeah. and then there is that super cute puppy...

so it goes. motherhood I think suits me. On the good days. On the bad days I wonder who entrusted me with a child and perhaps if they are coming back to pick her up. And then there are the bad body image days when I feel like a milk cow or another unflattering synonym for female bovine.

at least I still have my sense of humor.
ok. on to the next post.
hearts.
jess